At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
