Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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