I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
