You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
