When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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