if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize