I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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