its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
