If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
