2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
