They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
