i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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