his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
