Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
