I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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