i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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