I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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