I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
