ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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