is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
