Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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