Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize