Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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