Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
