I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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