nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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