You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
