i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
