we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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