I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
