I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
