omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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