K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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