just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
