I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
