I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
