Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
