in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
only you would photoshop your dick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
