OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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