omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
