She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
