i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
