SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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