im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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