It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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