I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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