I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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