He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
