Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
