Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
