haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
