I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
