i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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