walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
