Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
