i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
