I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
