i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
