It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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