I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
