your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
