I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you never un-have a 4some
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
