Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
