Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
