Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
