Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize