We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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