Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
