Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
