He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
